I left Facebook. Again. If you’ve been following me for any amount of time, you know that this has become a bit of a cycle for me. I’ve decluttered my digital life a few times now.
And I always say that I won’t go back.
Guess what? I’m saying that again. I won’t go back. I left Facebook again, and this time it is forever.
I don’t really know why I went back on Facebook to begin with. The first time I left, I was just so over it. I was over the fake friendships. I was over the political drama. I was over the way that it made me feel – like I wasn’t cool enough, special enough, important enough, good enough…
But I went back. I thought it would be different.
I ended up leaving and swearing that was the last time.
But then I joined back up. I wanted to see some stuff people in my life were talking about. I didn’t want to miss out, I guess.
Miss out on what? Seriously, I don’t know what I thought I was missing.
But I figured I was missing something. I vowed to keep my Facebook small. I figured that I could manage it. If I managed it well, I told myself, I would be able to use it without those same old feelings.
But I was wrong.
I know not everyone is affected by Facebook. Some people can look at it for hours on end, day after day, and never feel anything. They can scroll past all the posts and ignore the negative. They can see the highlight reel of other people’s lives and never at all feel like they aren’t measuring up.
I am not one of those people.
The effect Facebook has on me only took a few days to reappear. I felt sadness for people I know who are so angry with the world and life. I felt hurt by things I would see people post on various pages – and I’d wonder if they realized that others could see what they post because how could they be so cruel knowing we are watching?
And I felt a lot of me not being enough.
Facebook leads me down the dark road of comparison. No matter how hard I try to get away from it, that demon always reappears. I see how others are supposedly living, and I just feel worthless.
I am not a good enough mom.
I don’t wear the right clothes, have the right hair, drive the right car, or watch the right TV shows.
I am not schooling my kids as amazingly as other homeschoolers. I don’t over schedule and involve us in enough activities.
I don’t cook right, exercise right, live right, love right, laugh right…
Do you see where this goes? It’s just down, down, down. And some might think this is dramatic, but this is my life and how Facebook affects it.
I can read Twitter and scroll Instagram with zero issues. But Facebook… it’s like the minute I log on there is some sort of force attempting to destroy me from the inside out. And it is so hard to look away.
The only way I know to look away is to completely delete it.
I’ve been thinking of deleting it pretty much since a day or two after I rejoined. But I kept putting it off, telling myself that I needed to get over my issues.
But my issues go deeper… I find that in the time suck that Facebook provides, I don’t achieve as much as I would like in regular life. I don’t read my Bible as much as I should. I don’t write as much as I would like to be writing. I don’t get out and do life and take those pictures I love to take because I am too busy feeling pitiful about myself.
It had to go.
I knew it, and interestingly enough, I believe God was sending me a very clear message. In the past few days, I have watched videos and read posts from blogs that I frequent where everyone seems to be saying the same thing…
Enough with allowing whatever it is that takes over when I’m on Facebook to live. Just get rid of it.
So I did.
And I’m not kidding you when I say that it was an instant weight lifted. I physically felt different the very second I clicked delete.
Not everyone will relate to me posting this. But if you do, I encourage you to take the necessary steps to care for yourself.
And just like friends don’t let friends drive drunk, I would like to say to my friends that friends don’t let friends rejoin Facebook.
The next time I get it in me that I am going to rejoin and it will be ok because I can control it, I ask you (my friends) to be true friends and tell me no.
Remind me of what it does to me.
Remind me that I don’t need that in my life.
Remind me of how happy I am when I just say no.
Remind me that my mental and emotional health is more valuable than anything anyone could ever post on a status update.